I’m back to school and back to work again. The first week of classes always gives me the jitters and I’m stuck in this weird, anxious state that keeps me on the verge of tears. I guess that’s just the nerves, though. All in all, the movie theater is exactly the same and my classes are all well enough. This semester’s going to be a bit tougher for me since I’m in my core business classes now, but I think I’ll do alright.
My mom and I are on civil terms again, thank goodness. She keeps me updated on how my grandpa is doing. He had a checkup today and the doctor was very pleased with how he’s progressing. They want to keep an eye out for any infections since he had one the last time, but he’s doing very well and I am very thankful for that.
Kansas City is much the same as well. I forget how lonely it can be whenever I go away and then come back again. I’m so used to being surrounded by people at home, my mom and dad and brothers and sister and dog. And when I’m here at my apartment, it’s just me and the roommate. We have such crazy schedules that we don’t actually see each other much, so it’s almost like I’m living on my own.
It’s lonely, but two weeks in and I’m feeling okay. I’m not depressed and I’m not really sad, just wanting to get this semester through. I look forward to the days that I get to see Andrew and sometimes I feel like such a bother. I feel like I take up a lot of the free time he has; he always says he wouldn’t want to spend it any other way, but I can’t help but feel bad.
I don’t think I’m going to be able to work as much this semester because my classes are going to take up more time. But working has been good this past week; it keeps me from thinking and it keeps me busy. I really like the people I work with even if I’m not very happy about the job itself. It’s just temporary though, which is a blessing indeed. I applied for an internship at Boeing today for the summer. I don’t think much will come out of it, but how cool would it be if I did get it? Fingers crossed I’m at least considered for an interview!
I feel a bit weird, honestly, like I’m stuck in a state of limbo. I’m working and going to school, but it’s like I’m not really living. I’m just trying to get through this day and then the next. It’s like what authors call “filler” chapters, just writing for the sake of writing, not to actually tell a story. I feel like that’s where I’m at – trying to prepare for the next chapter of my life while I’m not in a chapter at all. Does that make any sense?