Don’t Wanna Grow Up

I went to the bank with my mom today to look at different options of how I was going to be spending my money on my trip to France and Italy. We didn’t know what would be best: to get a travel card, to get a debit card with my savings account, or to just open a new checking account and use a debit card with that. We decided to go with the latter as the others had too many restrictions. I had already had a savings account, but only my parents and siblings had checking accounts because they had jobs and had bills to pay, etc. It made me feel all grown up, like I was going to walk out of their and start paying rent or something (which is completely ridiculous).

I also went to a couple places to pick up applications for jobs. I went and picked one up for the pool a county over (because our county doesn’t have a public pool) to work in the concession stand. My sister already works there, so I’m hoping I can get a job as well. I really need one. I want to save up for a car, and in the long run for college. I know my parents will help pay for some of the cost, but I also don’t want to be one of those people who is 65 and still paying college loans off. Does that make sense?

I’ve been working with my mom, who cleans houses part-time, since I was probably twelve or thirteen. While it’s nice when I can work with her, it’s limited only to the summer, or days that I have off from school (like this week). I just need to get a steady job.

I feel like lately I’ve just had tons of responsibility kind of thrust on me. I realize it’s all a part of growing up, but it’s just stressing me out. I need a job but I haven’t been able to find one. I’ve applied tons of places but haven’t heard anything back. I’m really trying, but I can’t seem to find anything and no one seems to be hiring.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life which scares the crap out of me because I have to decide where I want to go to college soon and what I want to go into and study and make all these decisions that will affect my future. I just don’t know! It doesn’t help that the only thing that remotely interests me, which is French, everyone scolds. I told my dad I was thinking about studying it and he was all, “French?! You can’t do anything with that! I’m just going to be negative and make you feel bad! Blah blah blah!” Urgh. -.-

I feel like it was just yesterday that I entered high school as this little naive freshman girl. I still feel like her in some ways. Sometimes I wish I could just go back so I wouldn’t have to freak out about all these things.

It’s just been one of those days.

The Silly Little Things

The weather has been so beautiful lately! The birds have been chirping in the morning and I went on a walk earlier today with Becky and Tabor, my dog. I love walks with my best friend because it’s just nice to catch up but to also be outside, enjoying the weather. It’s weird to think that just last Thursday it snowed here, and now it’s 80 degrees (Fahrenheit)! Craziness!

I put away the space heater earlier that I use during winter when my room gets unbearably cold. My room has been a little stuffy actually, so I went to open my windows and OH MY GOSH THERE IS A SPIDER THE SIZE OF MY HEAD. (Okay, maybe not that big, but this thing is huge.)

I shrieked and slammed my window shut just to realize that it was on the inside, and that I just trapped it inside my room. Frantically, desperately trying to get it out of my room, I fling my window back open and I think I sent it flying somewhere in the depths of my cluttered and disorganized room. I now have no idea where it’s at and keep imagining bugs crawling all over me.

I’m absolutely terrified of spiders, well bugs in general, really, but spiders most of all. When I think about it, it’s such an irrational fear. Spiders don’t really cause a lot of harm; sure they can bite you but it’s highly unlikely that they are deadly. So why am I scared of them?

Another silly thing that I’m scared of is thunderstorms. I’m not sure what it is about them; maybe because they’re loud and creepy and the perfect time to kill someone; or maybe it’s the rain slamming against my window. Either way, it makes me feel like a four year old and I just hide under my covers and hope it passes soon.

Are you scared of something that is rather silly or doesn’t make sense?

© Copyright Rebecca Smith | 2011-2016