I accepted my first full time position

A couple weeks ago, my manager offered me the full-time position at my job! I have been a contracted worker for the last couple of months and my contract was originally due to complete at the end of three months, but they offered me the position almost a full month beforehand! HR had to complete another background check so I didn’t receive the official offer until about a week later. When I first started back in September, I wasn’t sure if I would accept the position if they offered it to me. But I’ve really come to enjoy working with all my coworkers and I think that it’s a great opportunity to gain some experience. So I accepted! :D

I had done some research beforehand regarding the average market salary for my position, as the temp agency originally told me that the pay would be a little bit less. So I came in prepared to negotiate for the market average, but was thrown off when they actually offered me the market average. It hadn’t occurred to me that they would offer me more than what the temp agency informed me, and since I was a bit thrown off I just went ahead and accepted it.

The more I thought about it, however, the more I feel I should have negotiated for more. I know one of my coworkers makes more than me and I currently have a lot more responsibilities even though I’ve been in my position for less time.  But just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable! I don’t have always have a very assertive personality, so I’m wondering if I hurt myself in that regard. I also didn’t know if it was typical to negotiate on your first job. I am so new to these things!

After being unemployed for the summer, I’m really enjoying working full-time now. It took a little bit of adjusting after that time off, but I’m really getting into the groove of things now. While I’m still paying off loans and bills, the steady income is so nice compared to my college days when I felt like I never had money! While I know that I was working hard and towards my goals while I was in college, I really feel now like I’m getting closer each day to attaining those goals. I feel like Andrew and I are really starting to build our lives together.

It’s also been fun (though also slightly frustrating) expanding my wardrobe with more business professional work outfits. Finding comfortable and cute shoes that fit my really narrow feet has been a bit difficult, but I’m slowly starting to find a couple pairs that I can wear on the regular without killing my feet. Plus, who knew I could rock a cute pair of wine-colored heels all day! It’s been fun getting out of my comfort zone even with the type of clothes I typically wear.

Another thing I love about working is meeting new people. There are about fifteen of us in our department and almost everyone is a recent graduate, so I’ve been making a lot of new friends which is always welcome. In my normal day to day life, I don’t really meet a lot of new people, so being in a new job with new people and making new friends is really exciting. It makes me want to come to work each day and really enjoy being there.

So it’s been a busy but exciting November! I can hardly believe it’s already December, but I am so excited because Christmastime is my favorite time of the year! We set up our Christmas tree and bought a few more decorations since we have a house now – albeit we did all of this a little bit later than I would have liked, but it’s all up now!

Next on my list is to send out Christmas cards! If you’d like me to send you a card, feel free to privately send me your address and I’ll make sure to send you one! :)

Mistakes

Do you ever wonder if you made the right decision?

Sometimes it’s hard for me to move on. Did I make the right choice? How would have things turned out if I had decided to stay? Would they be better than they are now, or am I just fantasizing better possibilities because I’m not thrilled with the current outcome?

There’s no use living in the past – I understand this. But sometimes I get caught imagining how things would have been and still could be. There’s a thrill in the possibility and in the unknown and there’s this part of me that wants to push out of my comfort zone and surprise everyone – including myself.

But then I wonder, is this me being averse to change? Have I come to this conclusion because comfort is an old friend to me, and I’m embracing what I know? Or am I looking back in regret because I’m so used to this warm familiarity, and wondering what new and exciting opportunities I may have had?

I have really been struggling, agonizing over what I’m slowly coming to realize may be a mistake. I go back and forth over something that I can no longer change because the decision has been made. I cannot go back with the knowledge that I know now and choose differently.

And I wonder if I could. If I had the luxury to go back and make a different decision, I’m not sure that I would have the strength to. Could I deny the obvious logic and details that back up the decision I made to go with the other decision where my heart is?

Or, perhaps there is no right choice. If my mind and heart are pulling in two different directions, does one have to be wrong? Perhaps there are certain things that are wrong about one choice, but other things that are also wrong with the other choice. Perhaps there is no winning between two hard decisions and I’m stressing myself out over nothing. Perhaps if I had made a different decision, I still would be stressing out over whether it was the right one. Perhaps I would be scared and nervous and lonely, missing the comforts of what I know.

But maybe not.

It’s funny sometimes looking back. I once thought that my heart was right here where I am now, but I’m slowly learning that a piece of it is elsewhere, too. How do you get your whole heart back together again? Do you just learn to live with your losses?

Sometimes the hardest part about making a decision isn’t actually making a choice; the hardest part is living with the decision that you’ve made.

But I guess you don’t realize your decisions are mistakes until it’s already too late.

© Copyright Rebecca Smith | 2011-2016